The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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