Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
