Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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