Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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