YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
