Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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