I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
