She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
