I want to have your abortion
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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