WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
