Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
