My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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