Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
