so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
