would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
