I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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