i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So much rum. So many feels.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
