I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
