She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
