New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
