so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
