I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
