every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
