My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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