The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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