Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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