She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
