Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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