The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
