Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
