Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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