The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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