OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
