Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
