Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
