i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Shame - the story of my life.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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