Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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