You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You pole danced in your parka.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
