i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
