You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
