ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
