i'm signing you up for texting rehab
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
