Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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