I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
