to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
