He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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