dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
