you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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