It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I supernannyed him into submission
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
