Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
