i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
